What’s all this pro-American talk?
October 21, 2008
So it turns out that the good folks on Saturday Night Live must be pro-American. That’s the only reason I can figure why Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin made an appearance last Saturday Night. She’s said how much she enjoys visiting pro-American parts of the country. What Joe wants to know is, “where are the anti-American parts?” Well, count Joe in among the 17 million people who tuned in for the first half-hour, some kind of record for SNL. So after a good cup of Joe, That’s PLAIN JOE coffee, not Joe Biden the other V.P Candidate, I figured the real reason for Palin’s appearance was the popularity of the Tina Fey impersonation, not the political views of the cast.
I know what you’re thinking, “How can you be up drinking hot, black delicious coffee at that time of night?” So let me put that one to rest. You can drink rich, full -flavored PLAIN JOE at any time of the day or night. I know what else your thinking, “Joe must be backing the donkey and not the elephant in the election.” Let me straighten that one out too. Joe keeps his political leanings to himself. I am sure that Palin is a fine Alaskan-American and Biden is a fine Delewarian-American. The point is that we are all good coffee drinking Americans who should spend a little less time bickering and sniping at each other and a little more time discussing things in plain language over a cup of PLAIN JOE.
The pursuit of beer and newsprint, I want it all!
October 17, 2008
I read an article today by some guy named Vin Crosbie that talked about how buying beer is a better investment than buying stock in the newspaper business. It’s another one of those, “print is dead” stories that says nobody reads a real newspaper anymore. That’s where Joe has to draw the line. See my previous entry on, “How to tell if you’re a grown-up.” Reading a soggy, half-torn morning newspaper that you had to walk to the curb to get, because the paper boy is too lazy to it to the doorstep, is a slice of pure Americana. Disregard that you scare the neighbors half to death in your robe and slippers. (Hey, a new PLAIN JOE merchandise opportunity!)
Anyway, there is nothing that Joe enjoys more than wrapping his ink-stained hands around his PLAIN JOE mug and enjoying a cup of strong, black coffee as he does the crossword with his stubby little pencil. There’s none of that Sudoku business for this jammy wearing all-American man.
Now getting back to Crosbie, I’ve got no beef with the beer part of his equation. The coffee experience is that much more enjoyable after sleeping off the suds of the night before. But do we have to make a choice? Why can’t I have the paper, the brew and the delicious, robust flavor of PLAIN JOE! While I’m at it, would it be too much to ask Wall Street to wake up? Maybe a cup of coffee!
Will the real Joe please stand up?
October 16, 2008
In the past several weeks, we’ve heard about Joe Sixpack, Average Joe and Joe the Plumber from our national leader-wannabees from stump speeches to debates and ads. Who are these Joes and what do they have to do with a US National Election?
Well, we’ve got the REAL JOE right here, drinking Plain Joe Coffee. He does his own plumbing and his six-pack of choice is six 1-lb bags of Plain Joe Coffee!
And, he’ll be voting on November 4, 2008.
Quit blogging and find a job
October 13, 2008
I was sitting at my kitchen table, drinking a good cup of Plain Joe Coffee while reading a bunch of blog posts put up by the GenY generation. This economy is the Boomer’s fault, old people greed, they are saddling us with debt, I can’t pay my rent cause I have so much student loan debt, blah, blah, blah.
I’m terribly sorry you feel that way, but here is a tip from one old guy: quit blogging about your whiny little feelings and get another job! We did. We worked our regular job in the daytime and pulled a second shift at Burger King.
Dreaming of blogging for a living is like buying lottery tickets. Only a few folks ever get enough traffic to attract advertisers, but we have a whole generation yapping off on a one-way conversation, trying to scream louder than everyone else. Pick me, pick me!!
The blogging for money phase is over. If you are dreaming of a job philosophizing in a coffee shop and writing about it, forget it. There is always one blogger out there who has already said what you are thinking and has blogged about it ten minutes ago.
Get a job instead. And buy more coffee so you can stay awake.
Why can’t we learn?
October 4, 2008
I was mulling some stuff over in my head about this current financial mess we are in as the aroma of a freshly brewed cup of Plain Joe Coffee entered my nostrils, causing me to think with more clarity than ever before. Here is what I have concluded.
The crash of 1929 was caused primarily because a lot of unsophisticated stock buyers were purchasing stock on margin, that is, they would put only a small percentage of actual cash down on a purchase, borrowing or leveraging the balance. While they “owned” shares, their equity was very little. When there was a margin call, they couldn’t cover the loss with actual capital, causing runs on banks, etc. Sound familiar? Just replace “stock certificate” with “house” and you have what we already knew was going to happen when home debt eclipsed home equity.
The other thing stuck on my mind is the Senate and House vote on this “bail-out” bill. When a homeowner went to refinance, the bank almost always encouraged the him to take out a little extra cash to help fix up the house, pay for college, buy a car, etc, etc. The “little extra” was folded into the loan and further eroded equity, but it was cash that the homeowner used to buy a toy. Sound like Congressional pork??? Yup, sure does to me!
The main thing this $700B bail-out does is buy some time to get past the elections and more importantly, Jan 20, 2009. The economy will eventually tank as we find the real value of stocks, over-built real estate and the dollar. The bill is a credit card purchase when we just delay the cost of life.
Eventually, we will have to pay for it. But, maybe somebody else will get blamed.
Why can’t we learn from history?
Plain Sarah?
October 2, 2008
I can’t believe I did not notice this before, but with a little marker magic and a suspension of some facts, if you rearrange the letters ever-so-slightly, Sarah Palin becomes:
*TA-DA*
Plain Sarah!
Plain Joe is now on Alltop!
September 29, 2008
Hey, we don’t understand how we got in either, but it must be Guy and NEENZ at Alltop must think our coffee is pretty darn good and that Joe is on to something that a bunch of other coffee places are missing; no fu-fu, just good strong coffee.
The economy may be taking a nosedive, but our latest Joe Poll shows that most Americans will give up their SUV, chocolate, house and even sex before giving up that first morning cup of coffee. And, while other places like Starbucks and Seattle’s Best or even McDonalds tries to figure out how to sell you an expensive cup of coffee and take your very last dime, just remember who stuck by your side with plain ol’ fashinioned strong, black coffee
That’s right, your good friend Joe!
Coffee snobs are everywhere
September 21, 2008
I like coffee. Just strong, black coffee. But, what I don’t like about coffee are the coffee snobs who know everything there is to know about the bean and figure that if you don’t also, you have no business drinking the black gold.
Phooey! Why can’t I just appreciate the smell, the warm goodness flowing down my throat, the atmosphere of an old coffee house without spoiling the romance that is contained in the unknown, the mystique of the bean? I don’t really want to know how it is grown, harvested, roasted, brewed, etc. Knowing that makes it real, familiar. I want a magical, mysterious relationship with my cup of coffee.
So, all you Joe haters who think that we’re not “real coffee people” because we enjoy a good cup of coffee while talking about things other than coffee…. phhhttttttttttttt!
Yeah, real mature, Joe.
Who cares. When you’re not a snob, you don’t have to act like one.
PS Guy, still waiting on the coffee link.. please tell me I don’t have to be a snob to get in 
How to tell if you are all grown up
September 10, 2008
I get asked a lot by the Gen Y generation how to tell when one of their ranks crosses into adulthood. Here is the no-nonsense, tried and true test. You have to pass all three of these things to say “I am an Adult.”
1. You have a job that pays your rent, in full, on time and every month.
2. You read a newspaper every day, in paper format.
3. You have developed a taste for strong, black coffee.
That’s it! All three and you are an adult.
Now, go out and make a difference for someone else.
Closet Joe Drinker?
July 14, 2008
According to a survey done in Australia, most coffee snobs who order the expensive fru-fru drinks when out with friends or associates are closet Plain Joe drinkers at home. Why burn a hole in your pocket buying the expensive drinks when a cup of joe is all you really want?
For the closet joe drinkers who think that a latte with 3 shots of espresso made with soy milk looks “cooler” to hold than a cup of fresh right out of the pot Plain Joe coffee need to know that nothing can top the strength and power you feel when you are the only one in the group holding the Plain Joe. Come out of the closet and let people know you love your coffee the way it should be: simple, strong, and proud.
Closet Plain Joe drinkers drop the fru-fru drinks and order your Plain Joe! Be proud of your Plain Joe and show it off in public!
