Starbucks customers are confused

Starbucks can’t make up their mind in how to best represent the brand.  Obvious confusion at Starbucks corporate on which type of coffee best suits Starbuck’s name has got customers all confused.  In April, Starbucks launched Pikes Peak, a new milder, smoother roast.  Pikes Peak is the opposite from what Starbucks built the brand reputation of brewing dark, exotic, and robust roasts.  

This could be another last ditch effort by Starbucks in hopes to attract new customers to heal ailing market sales.  On the opposite spectrum deep frustration mounts in loyal regulars.  Though top Starbuck’s manager of green-coffee quality, Anthony Carroll states in the Wall Street Journal, “We know what the Starbucks profile is - its very near and dear to all of us - and we weren’t going to waver from that signature Starbucks flavor.”  Carroll is as confused on what their customer expectations as the rest of the corporate gaggle.

Starbuck’s regulars are getting disregarded by not just corporate, but at their local shops too.  Once roasted deep and bold coffees, now they halt any type of bold roasting after noon. What is a customer to do?  Requests made to baristas to brew their favorite bold cup is denied.  What customer’s can rely on is the less than grand Pike’s Peak roast to be served all day.  Starbuck’s loyalist stuck with the brand because they knew all over the world, they could get their favorite cup without fear.  Apparently, Starbucks isn’t grateful for it’s loyalists, instead could careless whether their brand has established one true taste.

Coffee drinkers desire a good standard blend that one can rely on over and over again.  They may waver to try a new exotic blend, but they always return to what they know.  Starbuck’s can never be a Plain Joe Coffee brand.  They just don’t care if they are dependable to their customers.  Dependable coffee deserves to be represented by a dependable, wholesome name, like Plain Joe.

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Starbucks to close 600 coffee shops, leaving caffeine addicts in dire straits

“I wish it were as easy as cutting back, but I am deep in the grips of caffeine addiction,” Conley told AFP in a recent news story featured on AFP, Google News, Yahoo! News, etc.

12,000 people with jobs are likely to be affected as the coffee chain closes the stores. Nothing was posted on the web site under their “rumor response” so it is probably true!

Plain Joe Coffee is not closing anything. In fact, we are expanding out our line of Joe Wear. You can always get a fresh brew coffee for far less than you can at Starbucks. And, Mr. Conley? Please, we know you are addicted and would hate for you to have to go without caffeine… so, buy your Plain Joe Coffee.

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Kindle replacing newsprint? Just say no!

Arik Hesseldahl with BusinessWeek reviewed the Kindle as a replacement to the four morning newspapers he reads each day. Short story long, he concludes the the Kindle saves him money over subscribing to the newspapers and it does save some trees and “it is a fair, but imperfect, replacement for the daily newspaper.”

Arik focuses on the readability of the text, the low quality photos, the battery life, the data vs data argument of e-newspaper and paper. But, the one HUGE thing he misses is the visceral experience that a newspaper brings to the reader; the crinkle of the newsprint, the smudging of the ink, the folding of the pages and yes, even the wind blowing the pages on a “breezy Saturday.”

Like a good, strong cup of coffee, the “experience” starts way before the warm, black liquid meets your lips and slides down your throat on it’s way to waking your cells up in the morning. It starts with the aroma of the beans in the grinder, the aromatic steam rising from the carafe. It continues on with the way your hands feel, cupped around your favorite mug, the first real morning breath leaning into the steam before you sip.

While you can get caffeine almost anywhere — just like you can get news from a Kindle — the experience of coffee and the rustle of the morning newspaper is priceless. Plain Joes will always read the morning news on paper, just like they will always drink coffee strong and black.

Sorry, Arik. While newspapers may shrink, become harder to find and may be more expensive to buy, Plain Joe believes the newspaper, like a good strong cup of coffee, will always be part of the early morning ritual.

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Bloghers Won’t Give Up Plain Joe Coffee

Woman blogger’s are on the rise.  Mommy blogs, college girl blogs, and millions of other woman authored blog’s are hot as Plain Joe Coffee.  Center for Media Research recently published a report saying Bloghers would sacrifice anything except chocolate for Blogging.

Plain Joe Bloghers know they would never consider passing up their Plain Joe coffee for their blog.  All of us know that Plain Joe coffee and blogging goes hand in hand.  Great Blogher’s such as Heather Armstrong, couldn’t blog without Plain Joe coffee.

The preferred coffee of choice is good home brewed Plain Joe.  Millennial generation Plain Joe lovers make up the majority of Bloghers.  The same age group is dedicated to Plain Joe to help them accomplish other tasks. Obviously, a Blogher could not blog without Plain Joe.

Blogher’s may be willing to give up television, alchohol, PDSAs, i-PODS, and even sex.  They will not give up thier pLain Joe coffee!  True Plain Joe drinkers would give up 42% of television or newspaper, and even skip lunch.  When polled, most coffee drinkers classify themselves as social drinkers.  Online blogging is another vehicle for people to enjoy their Plain Joe coffee in a social atmosphere, away from the comfort the couch.

Bloghers may be willing to pass up on certain things, but definatley not their strong Plain Joe and gossiping about him online afterwards.  

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One Up On Your Coffee!

I recently stumbled upon a coffee blog in which the writer details his love affair with coffee. I felt a connection with the writer, but acknowledged that my Plain Joe Coffee affair is a lot steamier!

The writer’s love affair started at age 10 with some sort of chocolate and coffee foo foo combo. The first time Plain Joe was in my mouth was when I was five years old! Plain Joe Coffee was straight up black and fully caffeinated. No sweet stuff for this tough gal. I still like it rough.

The writer explains how he enjoys his coffee with Coffee-mate and sugar (yuk!). He drinks it from a huge assortment of mugs. I am a simple gal. I have one Plain Joe mug that I refill and wash as necessary. Again, no doctoring up of my Plain Joe coffee. Plain Joe is so good to the tastebuds one doesn’t need to add impurities to alter him. Some people need to remember, you can’t change a Plain Joe, just accept and love him.

My heart does go out to the writer. For he has been misguided by his doctor to decrease his Plain Joe intake. A man of such love for the ripe coffee bean should be knowledgable on the health benefits of Plain Joe. I on the other hand, understand my rights and responsibilites as a coffee drinker to never turn back on the my Plain Joe. He’s been good to me so far, and will be for many years to come.

You see, my love affair runs so much steamier and deeper than most coffee lovers. Plain Joe has been my single handed lover for many years. Ok, so sometimes it involves double fisting. In the end the result is all the same. Pure Plain Joe Coffee satisfaction. Over and over and over again…

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Slutbucks.. who cares?

Ok, coffee people, this one has got us brewing over the top. What is the Starbucks logo doing on www.PlainJoe.com? Cause we have a common enemy; ignorance. (and stupidity, but that is probably over the top)

We have always boycotted Starbucks, but because we’re competitors, not because they put some boobies on a logo and some Christian group says we should. Heck, look here or listen to some podcasts and you’ll see coffee and sex have always gone together. Plain Joe know that.

As a matter of principle, Plain Joes don’t boycott anything, Hell, we rarely join clubs or groups because we’re individuals who can think for ourselves. But, if there was an anti-boycotting group we could join, we would. Maybe. After another cup of Plain Joe Coffee….

For anyone who hasn’t been paying attention, female mammals have breasts and those breasts have nipples. Really. And, females have legs. When you draw a MYTHICAL creature like a Siren and you don’t include the breasts, nipples and fin-legs, that is like drawing a human face without a nose. Just looks weird.

So, get over it already and figure out that nipples and legs are as natural as a good cup of Joe. And sometimes nipples, legs and coffee are the best combination you’ll ever have on a lazy Sunday morning. I’m pretty sure God won’t mind; he made all three pleasures.

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Paperless World

Every morning, I have a date with my Plain Joe Coffee. On our date we sit together at my kitchen table to read the newspaper.

There is something magical about my fingertips turning black from the ink soaked paper. My Plain Joe mug is forever stained from my fingertips shifting from one to the other. Stains on his smooth white handle leaves a legacy of memories we share every morning.

Sometimes Plain Joe and I will do dates in the evening. We relax on the couch with a book together. Books have a distinct smell that cannot be recreated. Evening dates start with a deep kiss from my Plain Joe coffee and my nose taking deep sniffs of the books pages.

Today’s newspapers and books are not the same as they where 10 years ago. I find my daily newspapers are not thick and hearty when delivered. Instead, they are thin with most articles only printed in the online version. My novels are even downloadable from places like Amazon. There’s no smell or black ink with LCD screens.

Drinking Plain Joe Coffee goes hand-in-hand with reading; like bread and butter. I am deeply saddened and disturbed that in our technologically society, we are not wise enough to hold onto ageless rituals. Newspapers should be stuffed with so many articles that it take multiple cups of Plain Joe coffee, not just one. Books should be printed and bound beautifully, so that we can carry them with us into the park to enjoy it book in the sunlight on a blanket with our Plain Joe coffee.

The internet and computers are wonderful technologies. The benefits are endless. But there are rituals Plain Joe coffee drinkers won’t stray from, and should never have to.

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Savor The Moment

As I get older, I have learned to savor each moment that passes by.  My Plain Joe is no exception.

Every cup I have, I pour with careful consideration as not to waste any on the countertop.  I watch the caramel color liquid delicately pour out of the carafe into my plain joe mug.  Even my mug is a special reflection of who I am and how I feel.  It’s simple, sturdy, and smooth edges fit the curvature of my mouth perfectly.

Once filled, I never fail to notice the intermittent passing of steam rising from my joe.  The sweet lightly acidic smell entices my senses to want more.  As I bring my mug to my mouth for the first sip of the day, I anticipate an incredible rush of ecstasy.  I pout my lips carefully simultaneously as I tilt the mug to slowly let first hot, steamy sip run into my mouth.

It’s warm, thick, rich, and full of flavor.  It’s warm liquid fills the cavities of my mouth, where I let it sit for a moment as I release a light moan of satisfaction.  I swallow slowly, tilting my head back and closing my eyes as the enjoyment intensifies.

The first cup of every morning, I enjoy the same routine.  Sitting quietly, focused on my joe.  I enjoy feeling the sensation of my joe run through my body.  He wraps his arms around me to slowly waken my muscles from their deep sleep.  With each sip my body and mind slowly become more aroused and awakened.

As I approach the last drip in my mug, I sigh.  This will be the last of my first cup of joe.  I embrace my mug with the last sip settled on the bottom for as long as I can.  I want to linger in the moment of the simple pleasure of sharing the start of the day with a soul mate. 

As my mouth becomes dry, and my lips passionate for the last embrace, I reluctantly take the last sip.  I make it slow, holding the last bit of joe in my mouth for as long as I can.  His liquid is now cold, but still fills the secret parts of my mouth that only he knows.  I swallow. 

>This moment has passed by.  I know I have embraced plain joe’s personality and companionship as much as I possible could.  Even though the event has ceased to quickly for my liking, I must move on to the next moment.

At least I know in my heart, I lived every heart beat of that moment to the fullest.  Enjoying every single detail and filing in my soul as fuel.  Moments in time may pass us by, but we can all take the opportunity to grasp the great ones while they are alive.  Be lucky enough to dream big and achieve more with each passing day.

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Anytime Coffee

If you are a true Plain Joe lover, you’ll enjoy joe anytime.  As the weather warms, I frequently run into seasonal Joe addicts. 

“How can this be?”  I ask them.

Their response is always the same.  “Plain Joe is simply too hot for summertime!”

Nonsense!  In the cool mornings, hot and steaming Plain Joe is perfect.  Come afternoon, Plain Joe enjoyed with ice and shaken is amazing!  I challenge all the seasonal Joe lovers to grab a blanket, lay in the warm sun, and let the cool, icy Plain Joe run down their throats.  It will be a summer never to forget!

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Coffee Catastrophe

I woke up this morning at 2am. Starting off my Saturday a bit earlier than planned, but nonetheless still needed my Joe. 

Everything was normal as I half-blinded made my way to the coffee pot and felt my way to the “on” button. My morning came to a screaching halt when I returned from my potty time to check on the progress of my brew. The brew wasn’t happening.

Shit. 

Now fully awake, I started to investigate the defective pot. Opening the lid to my Mr. Coffee and found my “Mr.” wasn’t performing. Figures. The water was just sitting in the filter. I giggled the pot.

“Come on!”  I begged with my “Mr.”  Please, please just one more time…

More giggling just resulted in a little dribble. Oooh, I felt hope that a steady flow would fill my pot. It stopped. Now, “Mr. Coffee” was just teasing me. 

Fully frustrated and shaking with caffeine withdrawal, I giggled it more. Glancing at the clock, I realized it took 20 min. for a single cup to brew. 

Grrr.  “Just a little more time”, I convinced myself.  Giggle, giggle. Pull out. Push in. 

Hastily, I filled a single cup with coffee.

Then it happend.  Mr. Coffee completely cut me off. Gurgling and hissing sounds from his worn parts with one final “pop”. He died.

Sighing, I look down at my one cup. At least I got a little.

Guess it’s time to replace my old “Mr.” Maybe this time I’ll go for a “Ms.”

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